Tag Archives: Family

Family

Youth Sports – Firsthand Experience

On a cold Colorado evening in January of 2020, my then 15-year-old son heard a loud crack inside his right foot during soccer practice. He immediately hobbled off the field in obvious pain. Following days of x-rays and MRIs, Ty was diagnosed with a Freiberg Infraction. The initial two doctors told us that Ty would never play soccer again. We finally found an orthopedic surgeon who told us that he was confident that our son could play again after undergoing a unique surgical procedure. The rehab took months and when he came back to practice in the fall of that year, he struggled to get back into condition. Just weeks into the season, the MLS Next director cut Ty from the team. Obviously, this was devastating for Ty given how hard he had worked to get back on the pitch. Instead of hanging his head, Ty worked hard to regain his form, and to positively impact his new ECNL team.

As parents we often hear the phrase “don’t relive your youth through your children”. While I understand the reasoning behind the statement, it doesn’t accurately capture the altruistic motives of many mothers and fathers. Most of us involve ourselves in our children’s lives to help them avoid the obvious pitfalls associated with growing up. There are so many precarious situations in life that could put someone on an unfortunate path. If an experienced adult has encountered the potential predicament, we owe it to our children to offer an informed opinion. A core tenet of parenting is to help our kids successfully navigate life’s vicissitudes. This doesn’t mean that we ensure they avoid failing as we want them to create both resilience as well as grit. It does mean that the perspective of a seasoned, loving parent is valuable to a child’s growth.  

Recently, I watched a video of Chris Cuomo and Gary “Vee’ Vaynerchuk talking about youth sports and the harm these activities create for families. They go on and on about people that “sacrifice weekend, money and vacations… and the kids never play in college, never go pro…but they’ve spent all this time on them.” Gary jumps in with his Freudian analysis, stating that “too many parents use their children for their own self-esteem”. This viewpoint is asinine, ignorant, and myopic. For most parents, we encourage our children to participate in youth sports for a variety of logical reasons. These motives include health, competitiveness, determination, toughness, as well as comradeship. Children who participate in youth sports learn to be punctual as well as how to manage their time effectively. They are forced to absorb both adulation as well as frequent criticism. Finally, they learn early to establish goals and to work vigorously towards their personal as well as team objectives.

Both of my sons’ soccer journeys began at a very early age. They both have played the sport for many years because of their love for the game, and their thirst for competitiveness. They continue to endure regular emotional swings that require their steadiness during these highly intense, uncomfortable situations. They must contend with a cutthroat environment where fairness is not part of the curriculum. Additionally, they must prioritize what is most important in their lives. This requirement manifests in putting scholastic obligations, work, and training ahead of other responsibilities.

Since they began competitive sports, Ty and Jesse have learned to cope with adult obligations as well as digest constant pressure at an early age. My wife and I are confident that these qualities will pay dividends when they formally become business professionals. Lastly, for many people, the fear of failure can be debilitating. Competitive sports force all who participate to confront and struggle with the difficulties associated with failing. Athletes learn to quickly move on from past transgressions which lets them more quickly overcome future obstacles.

Ultimately, youth sports are not about making it to college or professional ranks. That outcome is a byproduct of talent, hard work, discipline, and a bit of luck. For most kids, sports are about instilling valuable life skills, building character, and most importantly, having fun along the way.

Family

Fortunate

The last 5 years underscored the fact that life is both short as well as fragile. Unfortunately, some of my contemporaries unexpectedly succumbed to a variety of different types of ailments that took them from the physical world. Most battled to remain alive, while others voluntarily perished. It has been difficult for me to witness these heartbreaking circumstances. Life is always challenging but adding disease or psychosis to the equation makes for a brutally difficult existence. As a believer in preventative medicine, I consistently employ healthy habits that should improve my ability to continue living. While there are no guarantees, I want to give myself the best chance to continue to evolve. Given what I have recently witnessed, however, I recognize that remaining alive is tricky. To that point, while I continue to walk amongst the masses, I want to offer an expression of gratitude to those people that positively influence my life.

To my wife, thank you for the love and support over the last 22 years. Our journey has been filled with great times as well as unexpected trials and tribulations. We battle adversity together. Your integrity, composure, and practicality keep me grounded.  

To my sons Ty and Jesse, you are both humble, kind, empathetic, smart, and brave. The greatest blessing in my life is being your dad. You both possess great character and immaculate souls. The future is bright for both of you. I admire who you are now, as well as the men that you are becoming.

To my parents, thank you for teaching me about honor, compassion, discipline, tenacity, and grit. I learned the fundamental principles of my life from both of you.

To my friends, thank you all for the bond we created. Navigating life with righteous, insightful, trustworthy, and loyal allies is something that I value. It’s a privilege to earn relationships that are not blood affiliated.

Lastly, I rarely contemplate how I want to be remembered after I am gone. There is a bit of narcissism associated with this type of thinking. As I get older, however, I do hope that the most important people in my life reflect positively on our time together. I would like those closest to me to remember me as honest, loyal, caring, and dependable. I also hope that they recognize the unfettered, genuine love that I have for them.

I don’t plan on going anywhere soon, and I hope to meet other great human beings that positively impact my life.

Family

Confidence

I admire people who are perennially self-assured. These individuals never appear to suffer from self-doubt. No matter what obstacles or hardships they encounter, they never waiver on how they will attain their goals. I am certain that these folks share commonalities that include thorough preparation, as well as a consistent, positive, mental attitude.

Success in my life, whether it be scholastic, athletic or professional, is always been supported by an unquestioned belief in myself.  Regrettably, my personal dichotomy is also true; individual failure always accompanies perplexing uncertainty. For no-good-reason, I allow negative outside forces to impact the way I perform. At times, the mental toughness necessary to withstand the rigors of life, seemingly disappears. I cannot predict why or when it will happen, but the end result is not ideal.

My oldest son is a fantastic person, student and athlete.  Beyond being a kind, empathetic kid, he works very hard to accomplish his ambitious objectives.  I appreciate his optimistic attitude, as well as his intensely competitive demeanor. Unfortunately, my son is proving to be a mere mortal, as he has been negatively impacted by outside forces. Prior to making his U.S. Development Academy soccer team, Ty’s belief in himself was never higher.  He played every game with focus and ferocity. More talented players never influenced his performance, as he was protected by an unquestioned belief in his ability to succeed. Despite selecting Ty among a sea of talented players, his current coach does not believe in him.  We are not sure when or why the coach dismissed him, but the effect has been obvious. Outside of his current erratic play, the weight of the coach’s disdain has become a burden that extends beyond the pitch.  Ty’s personality has changed to the point that the ongoing predicament has affected his spirit. He is now challenged by the need to remain confident in his skill-set despite the specter of the coach in the back of his mind.

My wife and I know that Ty will overcome this challenge, as it is simply a part of life’s vicissitudes. He will need to believe in himself without any reinforcement or adulation from the coach. The next nine months will test his mind as well has his heart. Ty needs to continue to work hard, and manufacture personal victories with minor achievements. He must separate the happenings on the soccer field from the rest of his life. We will provide Ty guidance and support, but it will be up to him to be resilient in order to withstand this unexplainable test. We have tremendous faith in his ability to navigate through this hardship and ultimately succeed.

  • “All confidence is acquired, developed.  No one is born with confidence.” – David J. Schwartz
  • “We are what we believe we are” – C.S. Lewis
  • “Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work.” – Jack Nicklaus
  • “All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” – Mark Twain
  • “One  important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” – Arthur Ashe
  • “Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you are right.” – Henry Ford
Family

Advice

Ty and Jesse,

I have learned valuable life lessons during my time on earth.  Many times those teachings have come at a personal price.  As I close in on my 50th birthday, I want to provide you guidance.  It should be expected that you will experience disappointment, frustration and anger during your lives.  My objective is to provide you the perspective of a seasoned human who happens to be your dad.

  • Love one another and remain good friends.
  • Work hard. The most successful people are generally the hardest workers.
  • Be humble. You will have successes in life. Recognize the help that you have received.
  • Own and operate a business. Cut your own path in life.
  • Don’t put yourself in a situation that will be hard to recover from.
  • Be respectful. Specifically, of women and authority.
  • Be empathetic. Never sit in judgement of others.
  • Always do your best. If you commit to something, do what it takes to be successful.
  • Never let the fear of failure undermine what you want to accomplish.
  • Beware of who you trust. Most people have good intentions.
  • Let people earn your friendship. Once they have done so, remain loyal.
  • Take a breath before you make a decision. Analysis does not always equate to paralysis.
  • Take it slow with the ladies. This will be hard but it is necessary.
  • When you financially make it, pretend like you haven’t.
  • Adequately prepare yourself for anything you deem important.
  • Never be afraid to ask for help.
  • Choose the right mentors.
  • Be disciplined in your life pursuits. There are many distractions.  Ignore the noise.
  • Apologize when you are wrong.
  • Help people who cannot help themselves.
  • Be charitable but cautious with your money.
  • Say, “please”, “thank you” and “you’re welcome” when appropriate.
  • Don’t idolize anyone.
  • Learn something new every day.
  • Don’t let your emotions dictate how you perform.
  • Take the time to enjoy what the world offers. Life moves fast.
  • Move around or through your adversaries.
  • Always believe in yourself and never quit.

Jesse (9) and Ty (11)
Jesse (9) and Ty (11)