As parents, we want our children to successfully navigate life’s vicissitudes. Throughout our lives, we faced many challenges that could have been avoided if we had both perspective as well as direction. Some of these tests set us back and undermine our ability to succeed. We’re told that rigors that we endure help define our character through our resiliency and determination. While I agree with that in theory, my core objective will always center around offering my sons guidance that helps them evade pain, penalties or worse. As with most teenagers, they disregard much of what I preach. They’re typical young adults who believe that my messaging is either irrelevant or antiquated. To that point, I am going to offer them my experienced wisdom in an indelible form factor. Perhaps they will read and revisit this as they evolve as men.

Risk – I have always feared failure. Perhaps it’s the potential embarrassment of failing that causes me such anxiety. It could also be that I never wanted to confront my own limitations. Either way, this unfortunate reality has, to date, damaged my ability to achieve some of my personal goals. My advice to my sons is to take calculated gambles early in your lives. Your personal overhead is low, and your financial responsibilities are minimal. Believe in your acquired skills, as well as in your willingness to work. Do what is necessary to make informed decisions. Ignore the cynics as many times they’re simply projecting their own insecurities. Own your choices and learn from the results. Persevere through challenges because almost anything can be overcome.

Emotion – Many times in my life I reacted viscerally to tumultuous situations. Once I was able to attain a perspective, and even if I was right, I regretted my initial reaction as it put me in an ineffective position. My advice is to breathe before responding during contentious circumstances. Clear your mind and remove the personal component associated with heated interactions. Once you do this, you can respond smartly and with composure. This will allow you to effectively handle difficult moments without remorse.

Confidence – Belief in oneself is critical for success in life. Self-worth creates a superhero-like shield. For me, faith in my own abilities is sometimes influenced by others. This predicament is suboptimal and will only lead to personal disappointment. My advice is to never let other opinions dictate your disposition or mindset. Know that you have abilities to be resolute in your convictions. Don’t listen to the noise around you once you have made up your mind to achieve a specific goal.

Grind – Maximum effort usually delivers ideal results. Preparation along with attention to detail ensures that the odds of success are in your favor. My advice is that you take on any important endeavor with passion and grit. Do all the things that most will not do so you increase your chances of achieving your goals. There is a level of personal satisfaction that accompanies winning after expending the maximum amount of energy on a stated task.

Focus – Distractions are routine for all of us. Unfortunately, these diversions undermine our ability to achieve our objectives. My advice is that you ensure that you dedicate 100% of your attention to any job that you have committed to accomplish. Don’t waste time and energy on superfluous diversions. Finish those activities that you are responsible for delivering.  

Friendship – I have been fortunate to create dynamic and profound relationships in my life. My most coveted bonds evolved over time. Trust and honesty are the core principles of these alliances. My advice is that you allow relationships to be earned by those that you deem worthy of your devotion. Be patient and cautious with the individuals that you welcome into your inner circle. A mutual and unbreakable loyalty will occur with those that eventually qualify as a lifelong ally.

Work – Making money while remaining happy with how you create your income represents a real conundrum for most of us. As you age, the financial responsibilities grow, and accountable people must settle for roles that allow them to earn a wage commensurate to their lifestyle.  My advice is that you get over-educated and develop those unique skills that can be utilized throughout your career. If there is a field that piques your interest, volunteer to work for an organization that supports that specific career path. Ask to be mentored by people who are successful in the specific field that interests you. Getting up every day enthused, excited, and impassioned are what all professionals strive to achieve.

Love – It’s hard to protect your heart when you share your innermost feelings with someone. Unfortunately, real devotion can only happen if you take an emotional risk. While it doesn’t feel good to get burned, it’s important to wade through the temporary pain to eventually find the right person to spend the rest of your life with. My advice is that you never compromise. Remain patient until you absolutely know that the person that you ask to be your wife is as committed to you as you are to her.

Persistency – Rejection, defeat and failure are unfortunate facts of life. If you’re determined to succeed, however, strong-minded people usually end up overcoming whatever challenges they’re confronting. My advice is that you write down whatever goals you are committing to accomplishing. If you write down your objectives, it’s difficult to procrastinate or ignore the process. Expect that setbacks will happen, but that they will not thwart your mission. Be relentless and undeterred in your approach and great things will happen.

Grace – Mistakes are a part of life. As you get older, errors keep you up at night.  Unfortunately, self-flagellation accompanies personal blunders.  My advice is that you give yourself a break and recognize that you will get other opportunities to shine. Be self-aware and recognize the specific failure points. Commit to not allowing past breakdowns the opportunity to endure beyond their expiration date. The only way to successfully move forward is to end the personal beatdown, and to recommit to never allowing the error to happen again. Finally, offer the same leniency to others that deserve it. Life is complicated for everyone, so empathy is required.

Ty and Jesse, you both are smart, savvy, and intrepid young men. You’ve proven that you are both mentally tough, having endured demanding, stressful predicaments at a young age. I’ve never witnessed either one of you back down from a challenge, and you both demonstrate resolve when it is required. Your character is unshakable, and that attribute cannot be taken away from either of you.